| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2005|09:37 pm] |
i dont like livejournal anymore. so im going back to deadjournal.
www.deadjournal.com/users/sehnsucht_engel
bye Y |
|
|
| no one to blame for my transgressions, no one to blame but myself ... |
[Jun. 26th, 2005|11:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | just barely breathing by killswitch engage | ] |
so i got most of my grades back.. lets review shall we?
math-28
english-31
career and financial management-33
gym-64
....
those are the only ones i know. but i know i failed history. im actually kinda looking forward to this summer, because i have no idea what to expect. tylers moving in to his new house today, so i can expect to be alone more often, i dont know how thats gonna turn out. ive been hanging out with brian alot, and im really happy about that, except for the fact that i get bombarded with questions and accusations by a certain ... girl ... but it doesnt really bother me all that much, im chill. andreas still around alot, which i do love, because i probably would be going insane without another girl around here to kinda balance it out. i gotta go get ready n wait for tyler, im seeing his new house today, im so pumped.
later
All the jagged edges dissapear
Colors all look brighter when you're near
The stars are all a fire in the sky
Sometimes I get so lonely I could ... Y |
|
|
| she had spoken of things all too impossible for hearts to behold... |
[Jun. 26th, 2005|12:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nautious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a romance by the wings of icarus by it dies today | ] |
i like someone. and this is no good.
cant say anymore.
motherfucker.
Let's seal this greeting with the passion from a razors kiss
Compassion A Virtue
Never synonymous with this name, now my gaze pierces two sets of somber eyes, of which only dreams had bought in yesteryear
My, My misery My bane And my envy Personified
I will take everything from you I will replicate an assembled heart
Forged from your collective agony, and I will tear away
until there are but two, two beating hearts before me
I will tear away For my greatest triumph lies in them:Fear Loathing Resentment
and spite will scorge them both for the rest of their wretched days |
|
|
| and if you look at your reflection, is it all you wanted it to be? |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|11:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing. | ] |
i could bitch about everything thats wrong, but its tedious, pointless, and it will just make things worse.
I'm becoming less to find as days go by
Fading away
Well you might say
I'm loosing focus
Kind adrifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Less concerned about fitting into the world
Your world that is
Because it doesn't really matter
(no it doesn't really matter anymore)
None of this really matters anymore
Yes I'm alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because you never were really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself
And it worked.
Yes it did!
There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
Only
The tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be scab and I had this funny feeling
Like I just knew it was something bad
I just couldn't leave it alone, picking at that scab
Was a doorway trying to seal itself shut
But I climbed through
Now I am somehwere I am not supposed to be, and I can see things I knew I really Shouldn't see
And now I know why (yea now I know why)
Things aren't as pretty
On the inside
nine inch nails |
|
|
| my memory rests, but never forgets what i lost ... |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|10:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sketch artist composite by boys night out | ] |
lately things have been decent, i decided not to go to my history or math regents' .. dont see a point. went up to cortland for fathers day, all i can really say about that is, well, my family smokes alot. its fucking psychotic... ive been hanging out with a kid i never used to hang out with, and its proved to be very nice. im only going to summer school for english and history cause they dont think i can handle all 3 in my 'recent condition' .. so .. yeah. i failed gym too, gonna have to do double gym next year, not complaining, dont really mind. im not really keeping up on my whole diet deal, so ive been a complete bitch lately, really jumpy and quick to change moods, i really hate it, but oh well. im exhausted, which blows, so im gonna go just chill ...
These days they're allowing
Visitation to aid in my rehabilitation
To make these days mean so much more to me
I beg friends and family for forgiveness
And now for the first time together we’ll witness
Together we’ll live this song I’ve been living incessantly
So come sing with me
Through these poison pills and chemicals
I know that you'll do something beautiful
And brilliant the release will be instant
I'm sorry it's the only way
<3boys night out |
|
|
| today is a day of rememberance .... |
[Jun. 21st, 2005|10:43 am] |
now that we're here,
so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all the mistakes,
one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here
so far away
and i feel like i can face the day
i can forgive
and i'm not ashamed
to be the person that i am today
<3I Love You |
|
|
| you are my light <3 |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|05:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
heard this song today .. reminds me of someone .. had to put it in here
I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting
Staind |
|
|
| we dug ourselves an early grave, we are dead, can we be saved? |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|11:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | still tippin by mike jones | ] |
I really dont know when the last time i made a real entry..so here comes an attempt.
This past week was kinda chill. I had my health final and it blew. I had an anxiety attack during it and it just SUCKED. Ive been chillin with Tyler (of course), Jesse, Chini, T-Mac, Jolean, Jenny, and Britt. Thats about it. I miss alot of people tho .. I miss Lawrence of course, and Rory, and Christine. I dont know, im really fucked up about shit lately, its so fucking retarted. I thought the eating better would help my mood, but i went back and she said i probably have depression and anxiety so after my next two counseling appts with Colleen, then Nancy, theyre all gonna talk and figure out whats wrong. Ive gotten alot closer with my mom these past two weeks grandmas been gone, but shes coming back today and im not really too excited about that. Tomorrow i gotta clean my room so we can chill in there now, and Ty wants to re-do the basement so we can chill down there, so we might just do that. I gotta go get ready for Tylers Graduation :) then i gotta work 4-7 tonight, which im looking forward to because i havent worked in so god damn long!
later kids ... but ill leave you with some from autumn to ashes, because i absolutely adore their lyrics <3
Weight leaves in anger from my shoulders.
Words of wisdom crush hope.
What is real? I thought I knew.
How could I lie to someone, I cared for?
How could you lie to me, your words, pierced me.
For good, this was done.
In the end the truth will shine.
To instill truth in your heart, I beg and plead for you.
A lie from your lips will make me cry out in pain, as I wish for you to go away.
How could I lie to you? I cared for you.
How could you lie to me? Your words pierced me.
The tremble of your soul injects fear into my heart.
I will stand alone.
The gentle mind, the one inside me will never hurt you.
Actions speak louder than words will ever.
So I will show you my sincerity in the shape of my still beating heart. |
|
|
| but this table for one has become bearable, I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|06:32 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | autumns monologue by from autumn ashes | ] |
I've boarded up the windows to keep the morning from intrusion
I've left it on the doorknob, could you please just not disturb
On days like this we find it so hard to push ourselves up and out of bed
When nothing falls in favor of
I have so many things I would like to explain to you
But I don't know just how to communicate
I can't take this body shaking
Dress and we'll begin
Nights can be so violent when beds become vacant
So now I've blown it once again,
this would have been the last offense and
You should have been here months ago with open arms and honest face
Addres full doubt you've ever felt frustration well I'm choking on it now
And it's the hardest thing for me to shake
Is it because of this vacancy that you swear never to believe?
Honestly honest me, with a look that's so deceiving
I'll bite, chew, swallow, and digest the hands that feed me
With a bayonet for a tongue,
Swallow words inadvertently,
And to the organ flame I'll maintain a close adjacency
I have so many themes; I would love to explain to you
Farewell to all the days you were, within my reach,
and as of right now everything is making perfect sense.
From Autumn To Ashes |
|
|
| your eyelids grow heavy and this is my cue, if three words could heal you id only speak two ... |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|01:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | wait (whisper in your ear) by the ying yang twins | ] |
Inside me.
Empty, is how you left.
Confused, scared, alone.
I am confused.
I am scared.
I am alone.
I am without you.
You are heartless, without compassion.
I will watch you die
I will not cry.
Haze clouds these translucent eyes.
Sweat creeps down callused hands.
The lies outside, I cannot feel.
The pain inside burns.
And as tears slip, she does it again.
As tears slip she does it again.
Scarred, bruised and broken.
To the ground in tears I fall.
Sadness locked inside me.
Time ticks by, and soon I realize life won't end, it can't end.
Not like this, not without sorrow and not with fear!
I know you are scared, cause I am too.
And as tears slip she does it again.
Haze clouds these translucent eyes.
Sweat creeps down callused hands.
The lies outside, I cannot feel.
The pain inside burns.
I know you cared.
Why did you leave?
From my knees I now stand.
Begging for freedom from my cage.
Now praising life for what I was given.
From my knees I now stand.
Bleeding for you from my heart.
Now hating life for what was taken from me, by you.
I Really Hate What Youve Done To Me |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
parabolofhearts's journal